W H A T E V E R!!

One of my favorite phrases: "W H A T E V E R!!"  If I have said that word once, I have said it 27 million times in my life....especially in my Jr. High and High School days.  My poor parents.  I was, what I would consider, a "good kid", but sure...I occasionally had an attitude!  And the eye-rolling...Good Googley...that is now one of my biggest pet peeves.  I have had several students throughout the years who have been rather proficient at eye-rolling.  I do always let them know that I am the "Master Eye-Roller"...no one can roll their eyes quite like I can.  


My eye-rolling Master status came to an abrupt end my Senior year in college.  Eye-rolling had become second-nature and such a habit.  One lovely spring afternoon at a very proper sorority outdoor garden luncheon I inadvertantly rolled my eyes while one of the top sorority women was telling a story.  She said, "I know, Sweetie, you roll your eyes but it really is a true story."  I was humiliated.  Devastated.  Embarrassed.  Swore I would NEVER roll my eyes again.  And I didn't.  EHVAH.  Well, you know that little saying - "Never say never."?  Ummmm hmmmm...............  


One weekend twenty years later I was attending the "12 Hour" weekend workshop.  It was an "improve your life/improve your business" kind of workshop.  In hour one we all had to go around the room to introduce ourselves and the 'Guru' would ask us several questions to get to know each of us/analyze us.  When it was my turn, 'Guru' asked, "So what does your name, 'Crede'', mean?"  I replied with the same rote answer I have given dozens of others before, "It means 'Creed' in French...like 'doctrine' or 'belief'."  'Guru's' response was, "Humph, whatever that means."  WHAT?!?!  I just told you what it means!!!!!  Are you kidding me?!?!  Oh my gosh....W H A T E V E R!!!!!!  Then, 'Guru' asked me to describe a giraffe.  Ok.  So I began my best vivid oral illustration of how the giraffe has irregular velvety brown and beige spots, long lanky legs, and an extremely long neck.....all the while I never took my eyes off of 'Guru' as not to be disrespectful.  I mean, aren't we supposed to make eye contact when we talk to others?  After I completed what I thought was an extremely accurate description of the most lovely giraffe, 'Guru' asked, "Why did you never look up?"  WHAT?!?!  "Why did you not look up while describing the giraffe's long neck?"  Are you kidding me?!?!  "I don't know" I sheepishly said.  Do you know what 'Guru's' answer was?  She said that I could not look ahead to the future because I never look up.  What?!?!  Not look up.....  Are you kidding me?!?!  I spend half of my life looking up and rolling my eyes and look where that got me!!!!!  So I stopped looking up, and now you are telling me that if I don't look up I cannot look/move ahead to the future?!?!?!  So which is it?!?!  W H A T E V E R!!!!  I give up!!!!!  


And that is precisely what God wants us to do...give it up and give it to Him.  Not just some of it, but ALL of it!!  Yes, ALL of it. Even the hard stuff.   How hard is that sometimes?!  VERY.  But one thing that I have learned:  when it all becomes too much, we have to say "W H A T E V E R!!" and give it to God!!  It's ok to say "W H A T E V E R!!"  It is so freeing to live out this every day.  Todd and I have given our lives to God.  We have given our adoption to God.  And we have given all three of our children to God.

Whatever things are true, 
whatever things are noble, 
whatever things are just, 
whatever things are pure, 
whatever things are lovely, 
whatever things are of good report, 
if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy-meditate on these things. 
Philippians 4:8

What does "Love" mean to you?

HaPpY VaLeNtInE's DaY!

I asked the question "What does 'Love' mean to you?" to my 2nd grade class this Valentine's Day morning.  The result was many precious and innocent answers:  kindness; being kind, a good friend; a best friend; my Mommy; my family; my pets; etc.  So, I asked myself the same question, "What does 'Love' mean to me?" and I began reflecting.

By all accounts I have lived/am living an extremely Blessed life.  I grew up with two parents who loved each other and who loved my brother and me.  My parents were told by two doctors that they would never have children, and my Mom and Dad always referred to my brother and me as their "Double Miracles".  Yes, my parents loved us.  I know this because we genuinely enjoyed spending time together as a family, we said our "I love you's" and we always had/have each other's best interest at heart.  My parents worked hard to provide so many extras that they grew up without.  They oftentimes did without themselves and sacrificed to provide for my brother and me.  We lived in a nice house, went to great schools, drove nice cars, etc etc etc.  I loved my life.  My parents sacrificed so that I could have my dream wedding in 1996 to the man of my dreams.  Now Todd and I are living the same Blessed life with our two precious Boys.  I love my life.  Then, my thoughts immediately turned to our daughter's birth mother.

These days my thoughts are often consumed with every aspect of our adoption....when/how/where will we meet our daughter?....what will she look like?....etc., etc., etc.  But today, I could not stop thinking about Ava Grace's birth mother.  I cannot imagine the selfless love that is necessary to recognize, acknowledge and accept that your child, the child that has grown inside of your body for nine long months, will be better off living and being raised by another family.  I stand in awe of each and every birth mother's decision to give the gift of adoption.  What amazing love.   What pure, unselfish, often heart-wrenching undeniable love.

To our daughter's birth mother:  Even though we do not know you yet, I want you to know that "Thank You" is completely inadequate for the act of love you will choose in entrusting your daughter to us.  We will love her as our own, just as if she had been born from my body as our two boys were.  All three equally loved.  We love Ava Grace even though we have not met her yet.  We love you for giving Ava Grace the gift of life and for loving her enough to let us love her too.  Sacrificial love.  This sacrificial love in many ways reminds me of God's love for all of us.  He sent only Son to live among us, teach us and die so that we may have eternal life. 

So for me, love, true love, means sacrifice.  Thank you to my Mom and Dad for being my first living examples of real sacrificial love.  Thank you God for your ultimate sacrificial love for me and for all who choose to accept it.  I have been Blessed as a result of of sacrificial love, and I will be a Blessing because of it.      

And so it begins...

I have never been a faithful Blogger.  Ev-ah.  I started Blogging a couple of different times, but stopped when life got busy or I did not have much to report.  Sometimes I felt the mundane was a little too...well, mundane to share.  This Blog is different, though.  Our life is different.  This Blog is meant to be a catharsis for me, and to give our family, friends and even strangers a look inside our hearts and lives as we travel along our journey towards adoption.  This Blog not just about our family.  This Blog is about all of you who will be impacted by our decision to adopt.  This Blog is about the many people praying and wishing us well in our journey.  This Blog is about others contemplating the Gift that is adoption.  This Blog is about those who do not understand or support our decision to adopt.  This Blog is about our daughter, who we so look forward to meeting in God's perfect time.  This Blog is about our daughter's birth family...there are no words but "Thank you".  And above all else, this Blog is about our trust in God.  We trust that he is leading us down this road to adoption.  We trust that He already knows our daughter, just as He knew our boys before they were born ("Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart;" ~ Jeremiah 1:5)...what a wonderful promise!  We trust Him.